Warmth

The sky shuddered. Thunder roared. Lightning danced among the ominous clouds. It was raining heavily.

Sitting at the back of the bus i stared at my phone. It was his face on my rectangular device. It was his beautiful features, his perfect jawline, his tousled messy hair, his burning with passion kind of eyes and his high and well-defined cheek bones. Yes, it is the boy i secretly had a crush on. He is by far one of the smartest and funniest boy in my school.

The way he wavered his sword, the way he spun his wooden spear. I was mesmerised by his jumps, mesmerised by his skilful movements. When he fell that day on stage, i felt that sudden pang of pain. But why? Do i really like him? Or was it just a lie? What do i really feel? I see him in school talking to every other girls and then i felt a surge of anger and jealousy boiling in me. I have fallen to deeply to even realise he doesn't like me. Is it too late to float up from the depths of unrequited love? Is this even love?

I got out at my stop. My friend who was taking the same bus stopped at my destination as well. The wind was howling, the rain was like glass shards hitting my face mercilessly. As both of us walked towards a stairs, the rain was so great it started drenching me. My friend seemed to saw that i didn't want to go down the stairs as it is raining so heavily. He casually took my hand and shielded me from the rain and led me down the stairs. I let him go after the moment our hands brush against one another. I was smiling at myself at the back of my head. After we got into the shelter he was drenched from head to toe while i am still dry. He smiled at me and said, "see you vice president." I smiled at him and mumbled a thank you and see you.  

He is still ever so kind...he is still ever so selfless...he still cares about people around him. I thought to myself silently as i walked towards the road junction. My eyes widened in shock when i saw the water level at the road junction. It had reached above-ankle level and the water is dirty and murky. I had trouble crossing the road. I kept hesitating whether to cross or not. Then i heard a kind and soulful voice at the back.

"Girl you must cross come here hold on to my hand i will walk you over" i turned around and saw a beautiful lady carrying coffee and packed food she is smiling at me and offered me her arm. I smile at my hero and gladly took her arm.

"If you don't cross now, the water level will be much higher." She told me in a motherly tone. I beamed at her and said, "thank you very very much!" After that we parted ways. My shoes have became extremely wet, as if soaked in a pail of water.

But that's not the whole point. My shoes are wet, i am drenched and shivering in cold. However my heart is warm, my hands are warm. Warmth given by a total stranger on the street, warmth given my dearest friend. Those warm feelings definitely overpower those thoughts of despair from the bus. They offered me a shelter, offered me endless warmth and offered me help when no one is there for me. The world isn't as cold-hearted as it seem after all.

A big thank you to you both!💓

Her.
i had a really nice and good talk with my used-to-be bestfriend in class today. she is an ordinary girl who is really carefree she loves kpop. it's been awhile since i laughed so much and it's been awhile since i feel so high and good around people. to be honest i miss her dearly. i used to disagree with her on her obsession with kpop saying her studies will deteriorate. i once even tried to stop her from going into a kpop fandom. it was last year. i was blinded by success i was blinded by the constant praises from people when i do well for my studies. i yearn to beat everyone in the class. i yearn to succeed in the rat-racing competition. i started to look down on my bestfriend, i started to feel as though she will never be motivated to study and that this kind of people i should stay away from them, this kind of people are the people who are useless. so i left our clique i left her with the others alone. i used to think how brave i was to be a solo fighter. fighting all alone in the academic competition was my theory of bravery. what i didn't realise until today was i missed her, i miss her presence, i miss the way we laughed. nobody around me could make me laugh as much as her. i miss those lunches that we used to have in Pasta Box. but Pasta Box have closed down. was that a way to erase our memories? was that a sign to tell us that our friendship ended on a bad note and the memories are to be forgotten? i started to wonder why was i so competitive back then, what was driving me into that cut throat competition. what is the deifinition of Bravery. Yes, in the end i succeeded with much determination and perseverance. i gotten my 3 seconds of success, 5 seconds of fame, 10 seconds of reward but the price to pay is so deadly and lethal. i lost a genuine and innocent and purest form of friendship. for succes and being the cream of the crop, i gave up a life long friendship. what a dick i am to her. competitions among friends in secondary school? the only 4 years where we experience real and unreal friendships and 4 years to forge lifelong friendships? i have lost it all. blinded by success, realising in the end she wasn't even wanting to win me she is a normal, innocent and carefree girl who loves what she loves. she didn't care what people think of her liking kpop. she didn't cared about the perspectives of others. she had the carefree attitude which i never ever seem to posses. i didn't care about what i like i only cared about winning. i didn't bother to understand that she should have her rights of doing what she loves and her life isn't controlled by me and that she doesn't need to conform to the competitive world, trading off her carefree-ness. i guess i was too selfish to realise that she was in no wrong i am the one at fault. i am incarcerated by guilt, imprison by myself that i hurt my friend who cared about me and nearly destroying what she loved. sins i have created myself are tied like a dead-knot to my ankles weighing me down, slowly pulling myself into the earth consuming me with guilt....

6/5/2016